Wednesday, November 23, 2005
But sadly...all good things do come to an end....By now I was in my 20s, married, a young mother and our relationship just wasn't enough, wasn't fulfilling, wasn't meeting my needs. To be honest, I hated our relationship. I felt terrible about it. I was a failure. I had tried so hard to be good, to do it right, to be everything I thought he wanted me to be but to no avail. It seemed to me that he was demanding and rigid and I just wasn't cutting it, we weren't going to make it. And yet there he was, so patient, so kind,... so infuriatingly immovable. He wasn't going anywhere. If anyone was going to give up or stop trying it was going to be me.
Finally that day came...I guess I was 23 or so, I was at the end of my rope...... After thirteen years of friendship and affection and connection and trying so hard to please... and failing...I gave it up. I remember crying my eyes out and telling him that I just could not do it anymore. That I wanted out. I remember saying to him that if anything was going to change it would have to be his doing cause I wasn't able anymore, never had been really but finally had realized it. Always before when we'd had those deep dark conversations of failure and change I had gotten back up, brushed myself off and gone forth with a new determination and zeal to "do better". But not this time...I finally realized the truth.... I could never, ever, as long as I lived "do better". . I had seen myself as I truly was and it just wasn't in me. I stopped struggling, stopped fighting, stopped everything and let go.....
Then a funny thing happened...I walked right into his arms :) because he is everywhere I turn and I can never get away from him. :)
From that day forward he took over everything....little by little I began to see changes, not in him...but in me! Over the next couple of years I began to see him as he really was. Gracious, accepting, merciful, strong, humble, capable, and incredibly loving...everything I was not, yet he was sharing it with me, and always always pursuing me even as he had when we first met.
The day I gave up has come to mean everything in my life....everything changed that day...it became the basis of our relationship, our entire future together....That is the day we truly became one and nothing has ever been the same.
Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! I don't have to live up to some high standard....You actually do the living in me and You are making me into the person I always hoped to be!
"What's your story...about His Glory?
Find your place... in the history of Grace"
Monday, November 21, 2005
I'm taking the tag from Amberdusk....
Hmmmm...lets see...Regret #1
That we didn't buy a house sooner. We were married 10+ yrs and into our 30s before we bought out first house, consequently each house has been the house we really needed a few years before...like a 3 bedroom when we needed 4 and a house with a family and living room after our kids were in college...duh! Now we have a huge 4 BR house and a pool with one kid living at home...when will we catch up and get it right??
Regret#2 I never tried out for Broadway...:)
Regret#3 That my kids live all over the country. Although I'm proud of their independence....I really miss them.
Regret#4 The fact that I cannot eat onions...they just don't like me very well. :(
Regret #5 I never took dance lessons...Hey I think I'll remedy this one and take some lessons in time for Beks' wedding!
Tag to anyone who wants to play.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
I can't believe it! Today Bekah is 23 yrs old! How did that happen? Only yesterday I was painting the room in our new house where our new baby would sleep. Then she surprised us and came early! 2 weeks early! arriving in time for Thanksgiving in 1982. I so wanted a girl and there she was! She was average sized with trouble falling asleep, a tendency to be colicky at dinner time and very strong willed...somethings don't change :) She is still a nite owl, chatty at dinner and very focused when she gets her mind set on something....I love this girl! She is a strong and beautiful young woman. With college and our moving to GA, I consider myself so blessed to have her physical presence in my house once again if even for a short time. Her wedding in April will send her on her way offically into the big wide world and though I rejoice for her, I mourn for my self and all that has passed never to return again. My little princess, with long flowing blonde hair and toe shoes, sleepovers and barbies, has grown up!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Bekaboo!
Monday, November 14, 2005
Here she is folks! The most beautiful in the whole wide world! (that's what I tell her) and she says..."I de mos beautiful". :-) She will be here next week, with her equally as beautiful mommy, for Thanksgiving weekend! I can't wait!
Love this time of year with the holidays round the corner and the air crisp, a fire in the fireplace. It surely is the best. I'm saving the leaf raking til she gets here cause there aren't any piles of leaves for her to jump in in Florida. She and I will have a blast. I'd say the leaves are about 6 inches deep in my back yard right now. LOL My girls will probably get in on it too. :) Maybe I'll get some help out of them....naah probably not. :) they will be too busy shopping, baking, decorating the tree.... I think I feel a strong urge to hire the neighborhood middleschooler to do some raking ...right after Thanksgiving!
Can I say it yet??? HAPPY HOLIDAYS!....Almost!!!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
I'm back, we had a lovely time in TN. Must have been the peak weekend for fall foilage. It was stunning and everyone in the southeast was in Pigeon Forge to see it I think. :) Truly it was a sight to see this year. Strange how God made Autumn, the season of dying, to be so beautiful. Does that parallel our lives, do you think? Or possbily what He values. Death always brings new life in His realm and nothing can be gained without it. No wonder He makes it beautiful in this realm to mirror His thoughts on the subject.
It seems that we, as humans, shy away from talking too much about death but He is not afraid of death, in fact He conquered it completely and set us free, free from even the fear of it.
I know from my own life experience that there is no gain without loss and I am so thankful to be dead in Christ and raised to new life in Him. As the seasons change I am reminded that what He values is foreign to us but as we live in Him we gain His perspective on some of these things. Truly death and dying whether it be to sin or to self or to our own desires, is a victory in His eyes and worth celebrating. Laying down our lives in exchange for His is always, like the Autumn leaves...a beautiful thing to behold.
Friday, November 04, 2005
We are having a "cousins" get together this weekend in Pigeon Forge, TN. Can't wait! Gonna eat out a little, shop a little, see some fall foilage, laugh til it hurts, maybe cry a tear or two... gonna be great!
There will be at least 8 of us and thats all the girls except for one who has a newborn and one who is having surgery.. I don't think the boys were invited...:). This is the first time we have ever done anything like this and I am looking forward to it very much. I'm sure we will all be young and silly together and feel like the teenagers we were the last time we were all together. Should be a blast!
I am so thankful there will be none of the tension and high drama that seems to accompany so many people's family interactions. We are very blessed. We have always been very close even when miles have seperated us and I' m bettin that every one of them is looking forward to this every bit as as much as I am. Have a great weekend all my bloggin friends....
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Scroll down til you find the link for Toasters sets 1 & 2. He's the cutie in the red T-shirt with the saxaphone. Love that kid!