I don’t really have very strong feelings these days…I don’t have angst over bills or material possessions or religion or politics. I rarely get angry or even frustrated anymore, I don’t get the blues… …I also do not poignantly feel happiness, peace, excitement, joy… its very tranquil in my life most of the time so it’s kind of boring I guess and I don’t know why this is except that my hormone level is decreasing…I suppose that can account for some of it. Our life moves at a pretty even keel nowadays so there just doesn’t’ seem to be the highs and lows of emotion anymore. Sometimes I miss it….the highs, that is…definitely not the lows!
I have three beautiful children, each of them talented and special in their own ways. They have always made me proud to be their mom. When they were small it was such a hectic time…as anyone with small children can attest, the days are long and harried and you feel as if you are trapped in some sort of time warp where it will never end. But it does end; the babies grow in to children, then teens, then young adults, then, by God’s help, into mature adults with families of their own. They choose friends and colleges and careers and spouses and hopefully, they choose the God they have been raised with. At some point, the decision making and responsibility for them slips out of your hands and into their own. It is a hard place to be…left behind…and yet it is liberating as well. Seeing them struggle and learn and grow as adults and watching as the God that they may or may not have chosen yet, pursues them. It is a beautiful thing to see and reminds me of His pursuit of me once upon a time and even still.
I never really stopped long enough while raising my children, to fully enjoy them…there was always something needing attending to and looking back I think that is sad. They and I have out grown that thankfully and I can now devote more specific attention to them and to their children, more focused attention. There has come a point in our lives together that I can say whole heartedly that I enjoy them, I enjoy their children, I enjoy being with them and talking with them and doing pretty much anything with them and their families. The hard work of raising them has passed and now there is a measure of rest… for me anyway. It is a good time in life, a time to appreciate all that God has blessed me with.
Suddenly today I had a surprising revelation, what has probably been obvious all along for those looking on…
My children and consequently their children bring me joy.
No, more than that, GREAT JOY…. they FILL me with Joy! I am overwhelmed by this feeling, this emotion…and grateful…SO grateful, to feel it so deeply and strongly today.
THIS DAY… I feel JOY, for my children and my grandchildren…they have filled my heart to overflowing!
Thank you, Lord.