THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I met him when I was 10 years old. It was the brief but strong encounter of a child on the verge of puberty, recently gone through the trauma of her parents break up and a bit on the emotional side. He was sweet and gentle and comforted me. He was a friend during a hard time in my life. We remained friends, more acquaintances really, for the new few years, chatting now and then when we would bump into each other or perhaps I would seek him out when some uncomfortable period of adolescence arose in my life. He was an ever present comfort always standing by when I needed him but not thought of too often in between. At 15 or so I began to see him as a possible long term companion. Of course teenagers are so romantic and tend to see everything through a haze of extremes, either bliss or despair. Our relationship went accordingly, up and down with myself being very off and on again as to how involved I really wanted to be or wanted him to be. He was patient and didn't press me but never went far away, always the gentleman but making it clear that he wanted to be with me, not just when I was in the mood, but all the time. He is very persistent. By my sixteenth year we had become inseparable. I must say, it was a wonderful, exciting journey and I never wanted it to end.....never imagined that it could.

But sadly...all good things do come to an end....By now I was in my 20s, married, a young mother and our relationship just wasn't enough, wasn't fulfilling, wasn't meeting my needs. To be honest, I hated our relationship. I felt terrible about it. I was a failure. I had tried so hard to be good, to do it right, to be everything I thought he wanted me to be but to no avail. It seemed to me that he was demanding and rigid and I just wasn't cutting it, we weren't going to make it. And yet there he was, so patient, so kind,... so infuriatingly immovable. He wasn't going anywhere. If anyone was going to give up or stop trying it was going to be me.

Finally that day came...I guess I was 23 or so, I was at the end of my rope...... After thirteen years of friendship and affection and connection and trying so hard to please... and failing...I gave it up. I remember crying my eyes out and telling him that I just could not do it anymore. That I wanted out. I remember saying to him that if anything was going to change it would have to be his doing cause I wasn't able anymore, never had been really but finally had realized it. Always before when we'd had those deep dark conversations of failure and change I had gotten back up, brushed myself off and gone forth with a new determination and zeal to "do better". But not this time...I finally realized the truth.... I could never, ever, as long as I lived "do better". . I had seen myself as I truly was and it just wasn't in me. I stopped struggling, stopped fighting, stopped everything and let go.....

.....I simply walked away.....

Then a funny thing happened...I walked right into his arms :) because he is everywhere I turn and I can never get away from him. :)

From that day forward he took over everything....little by little I began to see changes, not in him...but in me! Over the next couple of years I began to see him as he really was. Gracious, accepting, merciful, strong, humble, capable, and incredibly loving...everything I was not, yet he was sharing it with me, and always always pursuing me even as he had when we first met.

The day I gave up has come to mean everything in my life....everything changed that day...it became the basis of our relationship, our entire future together....That is the day we truly became one and nothing has ever been the same.
*********************************************************************

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! I don't have to live up to some high standard....You actually do the living in me and You are making me into the person I always hoped to be!

"What's your story...about His Glory?
Find your place... in the history of Grace"
Matthew West