Thursday, July 23, 2009

This is way to funny not to share!

This came in my email this week. I was laughing out loud in no time at all!
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BANNED FROM WAL-MART...


This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:



Dear Mrs. Adams
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Adams are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.



1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10.. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least...
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'


Sincerely,
Wal-Mart

7 comments:

Margie said...

that's funny!!

Felisol said...

Hi, Cheryl,
I've had a good laugh while reading.
I wonder if it's wise to show this post to Gunnar though.
He might try out some weird ideas at our shopping center.
Most men just aren't cut out for shopping, I guess.
Gunnar has solved the problem by bringing some books and an i-pod.
Then he's comfortable in the trunk till I call and tell its eating out time.
From Felisol

Deb said...

lol! Earlier today in StuffMart, I stood in line while Brillo Man rode his electric scooter around and around and around and around the checkout counter (while waiting for it to be my turn to check out.) When I got to the front of the line, he wheeled up to us, but didn't say a word - just had this "duh?" look on his face. The clerk looked at me and very seriously said to me (in a whisper), "Is he with you?" He heard her and replied very seriously, "no, I'm a stalker." I lost it! The clerk didn't know what to do. Obviously, she just didn't get it!

Margie said...

i sent this to the guys at work, they were laughing hysterically and said "thanks for the tips!"

dille2@cableone.net said...

Just made me giggle and want to enroll DH in this guy's almost soon to be class on How To Get Out Of Going Shopping With Your Wife!!!

Mrs. Mac said...

Before I read Deb's comment .. I was imagining her husband, Brillo Man, doing most of these antics ;)

good reading here.

Joni said...

I had this one e-mailed to me, too. I loved reading it again, though. We have a friend named Larry who would actually do most, if not all, of these!

Thanks for brightening my day!