You know...there is a lot of mess in this world...a lot of very, very difficult stuff. Mountains we can't seem to get over...ever...and you know...when there is someone to blame it all seems easier...ah yes, I can deal with such problems so much better if someone is to blame. Whether its someone else's fault we have this trouble we are in...or whether its our own fault...and we deal with it...we have the capacity to deal with it. Actually we love it when its someone's fault...blame is easy...and when we ourselves are responsible...well we can either easily forgive or we can beat ourselves down and promise to try harder...either one works. Somehow we work through or around these kinds of situations.
In the face of obstacles and problems we are taught all our lives to hang in, work harder, to persevere.
But what about when all our blame or hard work or perseverance does nothing...makes not one little dent....what about when the problem we are experiencing, the difficulty we find ourselves in, the situation that won't budge...what about when its God's fault? What then?
I have found myself in just such a scenario. I have found myself in a place I don't want to be, in a situation I am ill equipped to handle. I have found that all my begging and pleading is to no avail...all my hard work has been in vain...
for God will be God and He will have exactly what He wants and He will have me exactly where He wants me to be. Wriggle and struggle though I may...He has placed me in just this spot and there is no escape...no answer that I can see...no way out...and no end in sight....except He create a door out of thin air...which of course He could...but somehow i don't think He is going to ...not for a while anyway...I think this is of His making...its not my fault...not anyone elses fault...only His. Remember when He shut up the womb of Hannah, Samuel's mother...for years...God did it...it was His fault and Hannah had no recourse, no explanation. He is God..He doesn't owe us an explanation after all.
I was thinking about this recently and in the eyes of my spirit I saw a small stream trickling over rocks in my being, flowing downward from a mountain...this is common for me, as i sense His spirit in me, I often sense water...what was uncommon was this...my spirits eye followed the stream backwards uphill to a large dam built away up the mountain...and behind the dam...a huge reservoir....I have a reservoir within me..I know it...I smell it...I saw it....but He has built a dam, a big white dam to block all that water from flowing out... He is in control of all that I am, all that I have inside...of where I am and who I am...and right now...there is only a trickle of water flowing down.....its His fault.
Sometimes being exactly where God wants you...isn't where or what you thought it was going to be.