Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Only Southerners...

Got this via email and had to share...it made me laugh out loud! It sounds like a Foxworthy monologue...BTW..did you know that he (Foxworthy that is) has a store where you can buy???? ...ahem...Southern stuff???...LOL You'll find my ad lib in black italics...:)

_ Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them____ and I've certainly pitched my share

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____
My Mamma sure knows

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
_____ Yep

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
_____ My Granddaddy said directly on a regular basis


Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
I said dugsh for sugar when i was a toddler... :)
____

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____ Amen to that!

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
also know to add a large banana puddin!
_____ Love me some banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
_____ or just past the hayrake....

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
_____ Ain't that the truth!...and believe me, they do all exist!

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____ Never assume anything!

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
_____ and I've used it in every way imaginable...

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," ... we talk to everybody!
_____ I know my sister sure does...lol

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
_____ well, its true..or at least we know their mamma's, neighbor's, brother

In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural.
_____ Y'all got that?

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____ and its not one at a time either

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____ I tole y'all red eye gravy was good!

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____ I personally have never "caught myself lookin"

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____ y'all all know how I feel about this subject

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
_____ "Bless her heart" is what Southerners say just before or after they make some fun or do some gossipin or backbiting

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! And to those of you who are still having a
hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
sometimes it does feel like being a Southerner is like being from a foreign country...but a very nice one...:)

Have a great day!...and y'all come back now, ya hear?

15 comments:

everydayRANDOM said...

Jeff Foxworthy has a STORE!!!!

I have died and gone to heaven. I love him even though Ron White reminds me of every male relative I have ever had. I love Larry the Cable Guy because he is so sorry for what he says and Bill Engvall is great but Foxworthy is pure genius. Thanks for the giggles!

Amydeanne said...

too funny.. I've heard one similar idea posted about us Canadians too! lol

Nancy French said...

Love it.

BarBarA said...

This is VERY funny! I may have to link here today so all my southern friends can see it. Ya'all know I have lots a southern friends!

Sissy B. said...

Now y'all know i had a fit of the giggles with this 'un!!!!!

Pat said...

Don't you mean all y'all come back now?
Oh, you're probably off somewhere fixin' to get a glass of sweet tea.
I love every one of you!!

jayjay said...

I'm not a SOUTHERNER, I'm a REAL Southern Hemispherer, but I've lived long enough (just) in Georgia/Florida to get most of those. Had to do a bit of brushing up and I didn't get "caught myself lookin" or banana pudding. I'll have to come back.

Deborah and Sally said...

That's really funny !! Growing up in Texas most of my life I am very familiar with many of those, LOL !:)
It's been a long time though !
Deborah

Ame said...

my NY neighbor always laughs at me, "what you fixin to fix, ame?!"

Mrs. Mac said...

Well you're frisky today with sharing Jeff Foxworthy! Glad to read his humor any chance I get.

BekABoo said...

I don't know if I count! It depends on my own personal physical geography. If I get a job in Alabama, we'll see how quickly I throw it on! I am, of course, very familiar, but I think, for me, this is a first-hand observational humor ;)

donnav said...

Ha..these are great!! I stopped in from Barbara's site...being from Arkansas I had to check it out!! I could add a couple of sayings that used to confuse my yankee husband when we'd be at my mom's...she would ask if she could "dip" his plate before dinner and ask if the kids were ok sleeping on a "pallet" in the living room...I always loved the befuddled look on his face!!! Thanks for bringing back some fun memories this morning!

everydayRANDOM said...

Eating answer - have not been able to eat anything with more texture than applesauce since Aug 3, 2001. Dysphysia - the muscles in the throat do not work so food choices are liquid to semi- liguid. Not sure why but last summer, when Morgan began eating - so did I. I am still very careful. Always have to concentrate when eating but right now, my menu has expanded past milkshakes and potein powder...

Barb said...

Wonderful! I am personally familiar with every single thing listed here. I grew up in southeast Texas. I beg to differ on one thing, thought. Fried green tomatoes can be eater for breakfast. Fried green tomatoes can be eaten three times a day! Love 'em!

Jeff also has a new game show coming out on Fox Network. Are you as smart as your fifth grader? LOL

Hattigrace said...

And ya know ya live in a double wide when the 'puter shakes when the washer is on spin cycle!