Walking by faith

I had a revelation last night while brushing my teeth...:)
I heard the Lord clearly say "this walk is by faith and not by sight" and I said "yeah, yeah, I know that".... and He said

"its not sight of the future or your circumstances that I am talking about...
its the sight of ME....
without sight of Me...that is what walking by faith really is all about."

I don't think I like walking by faith very much.....you know???
Its a scary place to be in when you don't see the Lord very much in
anything.....no sight, no feeling, no nothing...not negative emotions, not doubt...just nothing....its a very scary place ... its not the mountain, its not the valley, its not even darkness which can be so palpable at times...its simply nothing....did I say that enough??
but somehow my spirit knows He is there...I think its called blind faith....
faith tells my spirit so..faith says that He is because He said He would never
leave...He said He was with us and in us... faith has a history that testifies to His steadfastness and reinforces it in my spirit... even in a vacuum such as this my spirit knows who has given it life.....even so...now I understand where the Psalmist was coming from when
he said..."though I make my bed in Sheol (the place of the dead)...You are
there" Even when I feel dead and nothing seems to make an impression....He is there....faith says it is so....
a good friend of mine reminded me that there is no expectation of aloneness in Him, yet in the world you were always alone...it was normal...therefore walking with Him can be most unexpected and unexpectedly difficult....
loving Him, believing Him...even in seasons of nothingness....that is faith.
Wow, faith is much harder than I thought...thank goodness I live by His faith and not by my own!

Soundtracks

Music is an integral part of my life...
If I didn't love it my hubby would make it so...
He loves it as much as I, perhaps more...or perhaps differently...
He is the one who buys CDs, and brings them home....breaking them out for relaxation, for dinner, but often for special occasions...so that whenever I hear a track from one of those CDs I am instantly transported to the time and place where we grew to love that particular one....for example....
Years ago we lived in Philadelphia....we decided that the winters were just too incredibly long for our Southern blood...sooo we planned a beach party for our church...in February...its amazing what a feeling of summer you can create with beach chairs and towels, picnic foods, tanning lotion (for the scent:)) and of course The Beach Boys playing in the background...I can never hear them without thinking of that night...we turned the heat up to 90...wore shorts and flipflops...all my plants upstairs died from the heat...LOL ..but man was it fun!

Then there was our second trip to Europe...we spent several days in London... he had just bought me the Frank Sinatra Duets collection....I cannot hear "Foggy London Town" or any of the other Sinatra classics, without remembering that trip....our hotel, the pink tulips my hubby bought me off the street corner...the sights and sounds of Belgium, France and Germany....incredible!..and all set to the tunes of Old Blue Eyes...

There was the first year we moved to NC...a very lonely painful time...when this CD by Point of Grace, presented to me for my birthday, saved my life and my sanity....songs like Keep the Candle Burning, Gone Are the Dark Days, Any Road Any Cost...gave me the strength and courage to go on...
There are so many others.... Salty and Trout Fishing in America when the kids were younger, Christina and Britney, The Toasters, and John Legend as they grew....CDs we've taken on anniversary trips like the romantic Julio Iglesias, or the folk music of Nickel Creek and their Why Should the Fire Die...or perhaps our Miami trip, choreographed to the Latin influenced jazz of Ocean Drive....just hearing one cut causes me to taste salty air and hear the waves crashing...
Rod Stewart's Great American Songbook set the tone for my daughter's wedding, that along with Garth Brooks' Friends in Low Places...:) and Van Morrison's Bright Side of the Road smells like sunshine and the Natchez Trace to me.

Several years ago we were privileged to be a part of an amazing undertaking by a church we were involved with...we re-created several scenes from the Broadway musical, Les Miserables, as a tribute to a dear minister friend who loved the play. In honor of his 50 years in ministry...we adapted pieces of the story, setting, and sounds to relate the story of the church and the workers and saints who fight for Her existence.....it was one of the most spiritual and moving things I have ever been a part of. Needless to say...we lived with the Les Miserables soundtrack for months...it still has a profound effect on me to hear a track from this masterpiece.

Sometimes it seems as if my entire life is set to music....which could explain the "singing hopscotch", right?? :)
There is a soundtrack playing in my head which provides an appropriate backdrop for what ever the situation....

My spirit is also set to a soundtrack.... the Creator of music resides in me...the Song of the Redeemed is His gift to me...as I sing it or hear it sung I am transported to His realm...His home...my true home...my spirit knows and remembers from whence I have been born...and though my mind wanders and my flesh forgets...my spirit never does...one strain of His melody brings me back to who I truly am and to where I really live.....In Christ....

Lord, remind me....sing your song in me...

Stirrings

I have some things on my mind today....it seems the Lord is stirring in my heart again..(did He ever stop?) I'm not sure but it certainly feels as if He withdraws from time to time...perhaps He only wants me to come after Him for a while...He pursues me so vigilantly...sometimes it really should be my turn...

Here are some random bits and pieces of what is stirring around in my spirit...

My son...he is traveling with his band in Europe...which is common...but this week I have had him on my heart....praying for him daily...

Brittany Spears...I know, I know, should pop culture really influence my life?? she is a young woman in a great deal of pain...unsure of where to turn...obviously feeling very rejected and judged.....This week, watching her come unraveled...I have felt pain and the whisper of the Holy Spirit to lift her to the Lord...He loves her just as He loves me.

Philippians....my hubby and I are looking at it together...here is a portion that stands out...repeating a word I have heard, in various ways, several times this week...blameless...
Phil 2: 12-15 ...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of [his] good pleasure. Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;

What an exhortation!...to be blameless and harmless...implying that we can and are...

Spring....I feel new life emerging...both natural and in my spirit...and though we do not, cannot live by feelings....it feels good! :)

LIF- same as last week..:)
I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb
I will life my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I have inside..
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes...to You!

I am feeling His call anew....I am lifting my eyes...and though I follow even when I do not feel (that is the faith part after all..)...feeling His call, His Spirit stirring in mine...is surely a welcome breath of spring!