Loss and Gain

This is my last post on trying to learn about thankfulness in the hard stuff....It has taken me some time and thought to be able to reach this point and I am sure that as time goes by I will learn more but here is where I am for now.
One of the hardest lessons any Christian has to learn is that loss is part and parcel of the Christian walk.  When we become believers we mistakenly think that all our life going forward will be sunshine and roses...glory and hallelujah.   This is not the case.  By becoming a believer in Christ we are made new and our entire life becomes about one thing... becoming like Him and expressing His Life in the earth.  For a while, after being saved life usually is grand and glorious...just as Jesus experienced popularity and enjoyed a following, had friends and loved ones surrounding Him and was successful in his ministry...so often are we...joyful...happy...blessed....needs being met, miracles happening in and around us...God using us mightily...exciting times for sure!   Ahhh those are the days....

Then it begins to happen....if we continue in our walk...continue to pursue Him in deeper and deeper ways...we find that the path becomes darker, less clear, familiar things are stripped away....those walking with us become fewer....successes become farther apart...and may to the natural eye, completely cease.  Even as Jesus experienced, we may find that our outward standing, friends, ministry, jobs, health....all that we have built has slipped away, until we are left completely alone...Until it seems we have lost everything we ever gained by following Him....it may even appear that we are good for nothing in His kingdom.

It is a scary place to be...alone...tired...sick...afraid...useless.  Can I be thankful in such a place?  I confess, it has taken ALL of Christ that I have ever known to learn to be...if not thankful FOR such a place...thankful IN SPITE of that place.

Eventually we learn...hopefully we learn...that suffering and even death come to all that follow Him into the depths.  It is a choice I think...to continue to seek Him...to continue to have a thankful heart...even in the dark places of taking up His cross.   It requires faith...His faith, to believe that when we came to follow Him we became His Seed...a seed that would have to die in order that Life in a truly substantial form could come forth, just like He did.
And then...just when we think it is all over and nothing good can come.....The Light shines!  a sprout pushes above ground!  Praise be to God there is resurrection!  Hallelujah!  
Just as there was for Him...there is for us, if we can hold on to Him long enough to see it to fruition. He brings us out of the dark, just as His Father brought Him up out of the grave to new life.   The seed that has died brings forth life.  

Which brings about an entirely new proposition.....can I be thankful for the loss...the lost time....the loss of joy...the loss of peace, of health, of finances....the years the canker worm has eaten?

Still having a hard time with that one, and learning more....but God is in the new life business...and for me...in my life...He is redeeming all things. Restoring...not necessarily to the way they were before, that is the old man way of thinking...(Job didn't get his lost daughters and sons back, he got new ones)....but He restores to the perfect picture He had in mind all along....the fruit He had seen in that Seed from the beginning.  The Life that has and is coming forth... for THAT I can be thankful!

How far is too far?

I have people...people I love...I know you do too...the list is long...my kids, my grands, my extended family, my church family, long time friends....oh so many people that the Lord has brought into my life at one time or another for me to love.  And I am not one to give my love easily or to draw ties quickly so my list is probably shorter than most....but there they are...pieces of my heart ... with more joining the list as the years go by.   Unfortunately...the place where my physical body lives and the places where their physical bodies reside are for the most part not one and the same, even emotionally and spiritually speaking many of us are separated by many miles .... scattered to the four winds, to the ends of the world and even the after world....and with them, the pieces of my heart. 
I am So far from so many of them that truthfully I may never see them again this side of heaven. 


And it hurts....distance and separation hurt...in places I don't want to touch...in deep places inside.  I think my favorite idea of heaven is the thought that everyone I love will be in the same place at the same time....of course that may not be true, as there are some I love who may not join me in heaven and then the most tragic thing of all will be that we will be separated forever. 

I find it very hard to be thankful for distance..for separation...do I understand that God is working in all these separations?  Of course...and He can do things in hearts during times of separation that cannot be accomplished any other way.  As a matter of fact almost every reference to separation in scripture refers to purification and holiness so yes, He is surely at work during these times...I respect that..and I trust Him...but to thank Him for it....so difficult....actually this is one of those things I may be better able to thank Him IN rather than for...because thankfully many separations are only for a season...many times the distance is only for a while and then I can be joined again with my loved ones.  And oh the joy that floods my soul! 

Today I will choose to thank God for the distances, the miles, the spaces between me and the pieces of my heart that are scattered abroad...because separation provides opportunity for God to work... space gives us all room to grow.

Being thankful for the hard stuff.....really?

Ok...So this idea of thanking God for bad stuff and hard stuff is very intriguing to me....I can do it...I think....but it has the possibility of getting personal...really personal.   It's actually downright scary.   With these thoughts I begin this experiment...can I actually do it?   Will I really find myself thankful for or in the difficult circumstances of my life?  I guess we'll see.

Today I want to tackle something so many deal with... something I don't like to even admit about myself...but it is true nonetheless.

I am sometimes lonely....and I hate it!

Yes I have friends and family and commitments and a job and all that stuff yet still at times I find myself feeling very isolated and distant from those things...feeling very lonely.  I need someone to "get" me at the particular place I am in.....I know we all feel this at times.  
Am I thankful for these times...for these feelings? ....not usually....mostly I feel as if I deserve to Not be lonely.  Why is that?  Why do I feel as if I shouldn't experience loneliness?...We know that Jesus felt alone at times...He even asked His Father why He had forsaken Him...now that is loneliness and abandonment!...and who says I shouldn't share in His sufferings....as a matter of fact...isn't it an honor and a privilege to share in His sufferings, even a reasonable part of the package? 
Yes!...scripture says so ....OK...that helps....now I think I can be thankful for loneliness...at least I know that I am experiencing something that Jesus experienced...at least I know that a payoff is promised..."sharing in His glory"  whatever that means ....and perhaps in time I will learn to be thankful in that experience as well.
 In some ways I guess we as believers will always feel somewhat alone this side of heaven, even while sharing our lives with other believers....maybe He wants it that way so we never get too comfortable in this temporary home.  Thank you, Lord for periods of loneliness...teach me about You in those times.

Roms. 8:8: Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Prepare Ye the Way

I don't know about you, but I worry about my kids.  None of them are actively walking with the Lord and although there are good signs along the way...still I worry.  I cannot make them believe...I cannot force them to follow...and when they do not...it brings me great sadness and pain...not only for myself, but for them...for all that they are robbing themselves and others of...for all the joy lost that can never be recaptured....yes there can be future joys,  but joy lost....cannot be reclaimed.  His ways are the best ways for a reason.....because they are The Best.   But I cannot will them to understand or believe this and it breaks my heart when their choices diverge from His.....sigh....
Today, I received some unexpected encouragement in this department.  Actually from the Lord Himself.  I was reading along in my daily scripture...I'm in John right now.....reading, reading...Jesus talking to the Pharisees, Jesus walking around the temple....Jesus saying "don't follow me unless I follow My Father"...Jesus claiming to be God's Son...general stuff...you know....and then he left them....well escaped away actually when they would have liked to stone Him...Just when they were at their angriest...He slipped away.

Then the last verses of the chapter.....John 10:40-42
Then Jesus went back across the Jordan to the place where John had been baptizing in the early days.  Here He stayed and many people came to him.  They said, "Though John never performed a miraculous sign, all that John said about this man was true."  And in that place many believed in Jesus.

As I read across this verse I idylly wondered why so many would believe in that area as opposed to the Temple area in Jerusalem where the Pharisees were so angry....and then I got it....John had already prepared the way...the ground was plowed and fallow....it was the perfect place for the seeds of the Truth to be sown.  In this place, Jesus could be exactly Who He was meant to be and could freely do All that the Father showed Him.... and He would be received as who He truly was ....God's Only Son.

Then the Lord spoke ever so clearly to my heart...."you have prepared the way for Me in the hearts of your children, just like John did, and they will see that all you have said about Me is true."   
Oh this brings me great joy!  He said that I have done my part...He said that the path has been prepared...He said that they will see.....
Only He can do His part....only He can do what He does.....and I must trust Him to it.

Thank you, Lord for assuring me that because of my efforts, You already have an inroad into my children's hearts...as You work Your work in them...they will see that all I have told them and taught them and lived in front of them.... is true.  

How to deal?

How do I do this?  How to deal with frustrations and negative emotions toward someone I love...someone who seems less and less like me...more and more like the world....Can they not see the Truth?   Why do they insist on walking and talking less and less of Christ and more and more of the "other"...it is a strange place to be....to be in the middle....to love and to have shared so much life together...but now to find that you may not have so much in common as you once thought....that your paths may no longer run together...or even parallel...yet you can never be completely separated, the pain will be ongoing ....Very hard to know when to speak and when to be silent...all the while battling against the loss you are feeling....the displacement.....
I can only pray that this conclusion is wrong...that I do not see the big picture, that God is at work...that these shifts are not settling into lifestyle...that there is hope and strength in the foundation that has been laid.

My little ones

I am so thankful for the grandchildren God has brought into our lives.....our oldest granddaughter, Jbear...our only grandson, Gingerbread man...and our newest gift, Sbug...our 5 month old granddaughter....they truly are gifts and bring so much joy to our hearts.   God, you are wonderful!

I voted.

So I did my civic duty today and voted....it was the first really cold smoke-blowing day we've had with a leaf stripping rain coming down from daybreak.....and what do I see, but dozens...no hundreds of coffee drinking, smart phone addicted, spoiled to central heat and air, never step outside except to get the mail or run to the grocery, city dwellers wading through puddles ankle deep, queuing up to patiently wait their turns...to vote.   It was awesome and I confess, I got a bit teary eyed when after 90 minutes my turn finally arrived to make my choices and cast my ballot.  What an amazing country we live in...and I am SO thankful for it!

Thankful

I am incredibly thankful for my amazing husband.  He has been Christ to me in so many ways, day after day after day...loving me, giving himself to me and our family, challenging me, wooing me...long after the first blush of our marriage....I often think that he is the reason I am saved...Not that he is God, but he has been God to me...over and over....and thorough him the Holy Spirit has been able to break through my blindness and walls and grow Jesus in me.   Thank you, Lord, for this man you have given me.  I am truly blessed!

Thankful

I think I will try and post...either here or on Facebook, something every day that I am thankful for during this season of Thanksgiving/November.    Today I am thankful for beautiful Autumn days, cool breezes and sunny days....

We have wonderful Autumns in the South....brilliant skies and bright foliage...much of which hasn't even begun to change here near the city.  We have extremely pleasant weather for much of it...with temps ranging from the 30s at night to 60-70 degrees during the day.  I love sitting on my front porch in the afternoons with the sun beating on me, warming me to my bones....delicious!   Soon the rain will come and wash away the beautiful leaves...soon the air will chill, too much to enjoy the porch but for now.... I will be thankful for God's goodness in Autumn.

" To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven"   

Great Joy

I don’t really have very strong feelings these days…I don’t have angst over bills or material possessions or religion or politics.  I rarely get angry or even frustrated anymore, I don’t get the blues… …I also do not poignantly feel happiness, peace, excitement, joy… its very tranquil in my life most of the time so it’s kind of boring I guess and I don’t know why this is except that my hormone level is decreasing…I suppose that can account for some of it.  Our life moves at a pretty even keel nowadays so there just doesn’t’ seem to be the highs and lows of emotion anymore.  Sometimes I miss it….the highs, that is…definitely not the lows!

I have three beautiful children, each of them talented and special in their own ways.  They have always made me proud to be their mom.  When they were small it was such a hectic time…as anyone with small children can attest, the days are long and harried and you feel as if you are trapped in some sort of time warp where it will never end.  But it does end; the babies grow in to children, then teens, then young adults, then, by God’s help, into mature adults with families of their own.  They choose friends and colleges and careers and spouses and hopefully, they choose the God they have been raised with.  At some point, the decision making and responsibility for them slips out of your hands and into their own.  It is a hard place to be…left behind…and yet it is liberating as well.  Seeing them struggle and learn and grow as adults and watching as the God that they may or may not have chosen yet, pursues them.  It is a beautiful thing to see and reminds me of His pursuit of me once upon a time and even still.

 I never really stopped long enough while raising my children, to fully enjoy them…there was always something needing attending to and looking back I think that is sad.  They and I have out grown that thankfully and I can now devote more specific attention to them and to their children, more focused attention.  There has come a point in our lives together that I can say whole heartedly that I enjoy them, I enjoy their children, I enjoy being with them and talking with them and doing pretty much anything with them and their families.  The hard work of raising them has passed and now there is a measure of rest… for me anyway.   It is a good time in life, a time to appreciate all that God has blessed me with.

Suddenly today I had a surprising revelation, what has probably been obvious all along for those looking on…

My children and consequently their children bring me joy. 

No, more than that, GREAT JOY…. they FILL me with Joy!  I am overwhelmed by this feeling, this emotion…and grateful…SO grateful, to feel it so deeply and strongly today.

THIS DAY…  I feel JOY, for my children and my grandchildren…they have filled my heart to overflowing!

Thank you, Lord.

Cathedrals of the heart

I enjoyed a busy weekend with several hours spent digging and planting flowers in the rain.  It was just right rain...the kind that is gentle and warm with no storms or breezes to chill me.   The ground was so dry that even after a while of raining it was still crusty underneath the first few inches.  As I stayed and stayed, getting my pots re-potted and my summer flowers pulled up or cut back I got more and more soaked...reveling in the quiet stillness and in getting muddy.   There was nothing to hear and no one moving about only the rain and an occasional squirrel until at last I retired to the house, exhausted and soaked to the skin, for a nice hot shower and some dinner.
There is nothing like being in God's creation, so refreshing with gentle nature sounds allowing my spirit to relax and rest even though my body was working hard.  There is something healing about being alone with God in His creation... I can see why so many feel as if they have fellow-shipped with Him just by being out in nature...and maybe they have. There is a unique link between God and the beauty of this world He has made.   Even in small places where the man made intrudes it can be a moment out side of time...like a great cathedral filled with the hushed silence of centuries of worshipers....the breeze, rain or waves fading the world away so that you can hear His creation praising Him in its own way....the way He has told it to worship.
 The only other place I can think that God has made on this earth besides the great outdoors is the fellowship of His saints....in the best scenarios saints gather to give Him glory, uplifting one another in the process.  Our spirits were designed to function, perhaps best, in the places that God has made....we appreciate so little of that in our modern day....time is so hurried and rushed... and sometimes we really need to just be....and to be on His terms so as to nourish our spirits and souls......in nature or with His people.... in cathedrals of the heart both seen and unseen....places not made by human hands...