Tis the Season

I have always thought that the seasons began at the beginning...:)  with Spring being first and Winter being last and in my mind I matched up the seasons of life in that way...Spring being birth and childhood and Winter being old age and death....but of late I have been seeing it differently....Perhaps this is not what the Maker had in mind at all...perhaps Winter is the first season....it seems to me, looking backwards, that this may be the case.   Just think of it....Winter is a quiet season...all the work of nature is mostly being done in a quiet way...underground without a lot to show....wildlife and humans are hunkered down often buried by a blanket of snow...plant life is hidden, resting...could this not be when we are children..being formed in our mothers wombs, being born and proceeding to become....eating and learning and practicing skills...hidden and growing within our own family units and being fed and shaped into what will be...so that when Springtime comes...we blossom forth...reaching out into the world.. to begin expressing what has been nurtured with in...we laugh and breathe and everything is exciting and new...we scamper to and fro gathering, experiencing, absorbing....still growing and becoming, still being fertilized and pruned and taught so that in Summer we can bear fruit...the fruit of a profession, a home, a family of our own, the time when our own specific gifts and contributions to society can come forth....Summer has a steady rhythm and is truly the heart of the year.... in the South it is the longest season...certainly it is the most fruitful and gratifying.
And then your responsibilities to the future begin to slow a bit and before you know it Autumn is upon you...And it is Glorious!  All your senses are assaulted by crispness and color and startling beauty...hard work and years of contribution come to fruition ... it is the time of full harvest, a time to survey all you have built and earned...all that God has been faithful to give ....a time to tie up loose ends, rest and reflect a bit and enjoy the fruits of a lifetime of preparation and labor.  Truly a glorious season of life...and for all the Seasons may He say "Well done, my good and faithful servant".

Ready, Set, Go

 

I have been thinking on seasons...seasons of life.  Unlike the natural seasons that turn round and round reliably every year, we as humans do not necessarily get to repeat seasons in our lives...our teen age years...our child rearing years...career choices...on and on...time runs in a linear fashion for us...going forward but not going back...and yes, sometimes we do get a "do over"...we go through a second dating season or start a second or third career...we get to have input into the raising of our grandchildren....but mostly time marches forward...and that is usually a good thing.  Because although we may have learned much the first time around...it seems to be God's plan that each generation learn the hard way and we only get to share insight with those behind us...

I/we, my husband and I are entering the almost retirement phase of our lives and we are looking very much forward toward relaxing a bit, enjoying each others company more often, traveling and so forth....and it has come to me that although I really miss the ministry season of our lives...I do not necessarily desire to return to it.  We recently have had several former ministry connections to contact us and perhaps the door could be open to that again...but I just don't know...I can't tell if this is "trying to return to a season that is past" or the glimmer of a new season entirely...only God knows and He will surely have to lead the way because right now I have no desire for that season again...I keep thinking of the verse in Ps 92 and looking forward to the promise that since we are planted in Him we will continue to grow and flourish and show the Lord's righteousness in all the upcoming seasons of life, this I am ready for.

Ps 92:12-15 
The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree: he shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.

Those that be planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God.
They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing;
To shew that the Lord is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.

the solid rock

In thinking about setting my heart on things above, this song comes to mind....
On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.
My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness,
I dare not trust the sweetest frame...but wholly trust in Jesus' name..
On Christ, the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
Amen

God's Heart

We all know about setting our hearts on things above....and how it should be in heavenly places and all...but in my devotional reading I have come upon a passage that makes me think about the Lord and where His heart is.  The passage is Psalm 87 and here is the gist...
He..being the God of heaven....has set His heart in a very special place...a very special house....one that He has built and established by His own hand....and the name of His House is Zion...the place He loves more than any other.   Glorious things are said of Her...He has set His very foundation in Her.   He has recorded those who acknowledge Him, indeed saying, this one and that one were born in Her.... me and you and whosoever believes....and all His Life flows within Her.  

I have to believe that Zion, this beautiful house He has built, the place where His foundation is set,  is His Church...She is His sacred dwelling whom He loves more than any other place and I am born in Her... and you are too, if you acknowledge Him....so when He says "Where your treasure is...there your heart will be also."  He knows of what He speaks ...He speaks from His own experience....for His treasure and His heart are in Zion and His own Life springs forth in that House.

New Vision

I am not a visionary person...I am too literal...too concrete...I am a visual person...meaning that I cannot envision a thing very easily...I need to actually see it....  therefore I buy things and return them..and buy more things and return them too....I think when I see something at the store that it will work perfectly in my setting....match exactly...fit well...but often I am wrong, my vision is not all that clear...when I see it actually in the setting...with the dress..etc..it isn't right....maybe even just a bit off...but rarely does it work perfectly....this is often silly and sometimes totally annoying with sweaters and shoes...but downright scary with big things like carpet colors or counter top purchases. 
Of late we have been looking to purchase a sofa....a big huge sofa that has to be custom ordered and cannot be returned...and I have ideas about what I like and what I want and what will create the "look" I'm going for...but face it.. for me, it is an overwhelming and daunting task...my thoughts are jumbled...I have a general direction...but is that even the right thing....and its too big and too expensive to mess up!

 So there we sit...my husband and I...on our old sofa pouring over pictures online and trying to see size and depth and skirt height and arm width...did I mention that my husband is visionary...he always has been...in every way; from direction for our lives to fashion prediction to sports team choices to the world of the spiritually prophetic...he is a visionary...and that gift applies to everything.  He can just simply "see".

It is as it says in Roms 11:29

"For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance."   So I look and look...and try to convey to my visionary husband what I sort of see...what I think I want to see...but am viewing very much through a glass darkly.... In a while...we sort of narrow things down and I think he is beginning to understand what I think I want. We have even found a picture or two that sort of kind of looks like it....maybe...the one with square arms and boxy cushions....or maybe I like that other one we saw with the round arms and puffy cushions....Ack! Then just when I am growing frustrated and overwhelmed and think we will never sort it all out...suddenly he says to me....look at the picture....now look around our room.....now....close your eyes and see that sofa in this room..... And suddenly....I can see it!  I can see it in my mind's eye...and now I can decide if it looks right...if it is what I really was thinking to start with or if I want a different direction completely. He has helped me and shown me how to see.   This is also a gift my husband has....he can take my jumbled ideas and focus them...and refocus them until I can see clearly what my own thoughts and ideas were in the first place...he sharpens the view for me...putting the pieces together until things become clear..or at least clearer. He helps to clarify my vision... And low and behold...I may see exactly what I was looking for or even something totally unexpected...but it is so exciting to really "see"!   I think the Lord has a way of doing this as well...sharpening and focusing our view until we see exactly what he wanted to show us all along...often using the very thing we were looking at to start with but clarifying it, adjusting it until it is distinctly clear.  He gives us new vision....  and it is so exciting to see!   Mark 8:23-25 And He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town, and when he had spit on his eyes, and put His hands upon him,  He asked him if he saw ought. And he looked up and said, I see men as trees, walking... after that He put his hands again upon his eyes and made him look up:  and he was restored, and saw every man clearly.

The New Normal

 

This talk of  "All things new" got me to thinking about different times in my life when things became new and I realized something....Sometimes "new" doesn't translate to "good"...not in our human eyes anyway.  So many difficult things, difficult times are really all about things being "new".  They say change is inevitable but change is usually pretty hard. Loss takes away the things we are accustomed to, comfortable with, happy with....and insecurity, doubt and even pain fill the void.
I remember my parents' divorce and the "new" life we had to adjust to...one without a father in the house...I remember the death of my grandmother, the matriarch of our family, and the "new" life our extended family experienced when she was no longer present to unite us....the experience of changing schools and being the "new" kid...or dealing with the "new" culture of the Northeast after being raised a Southern girl.  I recall losing a job and getting used to the dramatic drop in income and the time when all of my children had finally moved out for good and I knew they weren't coming back.

So many times in life "new" doesn't seem all that "good" at all ...suddenly we are faced with complete upset...loss of health, finances, homes, jobs, friends...loved ones...everything normal is turned upside down and we have no choice...We are held captive to it, enslaved against our will to what we have lost, what can never...ever be regained...the finality of it.  All things are indeed new...in a difficult, scary or even terrible way, what was... is no longer... and we must adjust...we must learn to live with the "new normal".  Such are hard times....only "good" in the eyes of Him who sees all things, the end from the beginning, and works all things for our good and His glory.

 and I say with the Psalmist,

		Ps. 69:1-3 Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me.
		I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.   Ps. 69:13-14 But I pray to you, LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation. Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink. and He doesn't let us sink...

A New Song

My husband got a new job....I got a new car....I got a new kitchen....It sure is exciting and refreshing to get new things.... but they rarely come with out effort.  Certain things usually have to happen first before pleasant new things come into our lives.  We need training and experience for that job, we need finances and decent credit for that new car, we need planning and direction for that new kitchen..and patience. Very little in life is gained by simply the passing of time...In some way, some how, work is being done, whether seen by man or not, to prepare...to lay groundwork for things that will come down the road.  Sometimes it is hard plowing that is being done....sometimes gentle pursuit....other times just the gleaning of experience and learning what not to do....
I think it may be the same with spiritual things.... growth, vision, attitude, ministry, passion, direction, gifting, calling, joy, peace...on and on. At different times in our lives as we walk with the Lord, He graciously brings us into newness in all kinds of areas....but preliminary work must be done before any "new" thing is birthed in us or through us. Thankfully He never ceases to pursue us and work in us and on our behalf.

He is singing over me a new song in this season....I don't know exactly what that means yet but these verses are being impressed into my spirit...

Zeph. 3:14-17	Sing, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel; be glad and rejoice with all the heart, O daughter of Jerusalem.
	The LORD hath taken away thy judgments, he hath cast out thine enemy: the king of Israel, even the LORD, is in the midst of thee: thou shalt not see evil any more. In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem, Fear thou not: and to Zion, Let not thine hands be slack. The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.
	So excited to see what He has in store for me this year...it feels joyful!

Clearly seeing

I am, for the moment, in one of the most beautiful places on this planet.  The wonders His hand has made are breath taking, overwhelming....incredible to the senses.  My sight, smell, hearing and touch are assaulted on every side....it is truly a paradise.  As I was reading through my devotions this week I have come back several times to this verse...




"From the time the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky and all that God made.  they can clearly see his invisible qualities....his eternal power and divine nature.  so they have no excuse whatsoever for not knowing God."  Romans 1:20

So I'm thinking that in the seeing of His handiwork...I am seeing His very person expressed in physical form....God...with us....wow...I have long known that nature is the very expression of God....but seeing it in this context reminds me that He truly is with us, all around us, even inside us in the air we breathe...through His creation....no wonder it has such a powerful effect!

 

Sitting in the Airport and seeing God.

I spent a good bit of time this past weekend sitting in the Atlanta airport...much of it, just watching the people go by...and man were there a lot of them!...this is the busiest airport in the world so literally hundreds of people were passing me by.  Short and tall, skinny and stocky, young and old, dark and fair...no two of them the same...So much endless variety!   At one point I had a beautiful epiphany....I was seeing God...right before my own eyes....Each and every one of them was made in His image...a representation of The Creator!  He is So infinitely big, so diverse, and has so many facets that He easily encompasses all of humanity, stamping His face on each one of us.  Wow!  Even  those who have no acknowledgement or relationship to Him...there they were, hurrying past me, never even knowing that I was seeing the God of the universe in their faces. 

Family is Dangerous!

I have been looking for Emmanuel this season and as I look around, what do I see?   I see people...and every one of them a member of a family....small or large, solid or fractured...single parent, blended, adopted, immediate, extended...blood or choice...all kinds of families...sharing connections between themselves that cannot be erased.  So many this time of year are rejoicing, excited to be together, to give and share and love, happy and beautiful....so many others, are fragile, dreading the being together, saddened by loss or past hurts, feeling isolated even in the midst of those who know them best....

Recently I was reminded of something while sharing with a young wife and mother....marriage and in fact families in general are a prime target for our enemy, Satan, and though I don't like to give him much credit I do understand his position.  He has to try, people...he has to....
Every marriage, every family, every household, not just Christian families or whole and happy families, but even the broken ones, even the dysfunctional ones, even the mixed up messed up disastrous ones.... ALL families....are targeted for destruction...but WHY??!!  Because...the truth is...Family is just too dangerous....

How can family be dangerous for Satan?  I mean...really?

I'll tell you how....Because family is spiritual...it came right out of God....every one of them, every single one of them....is a representation, a likeness, a witness if you will... of God Himself.  His Triuneness, His Oneness, His Love, His commitment.  Families are, even if unwittingly, a picture of God's relationship with His Son, His relationship with His Church, with His Family both near and those afar off.....and even if the earthly view is broken, cracked and distorted, damaged almost beyond recognition...and it always will be to some degree in this earthly realm...still, in each family a small imagine of Him remains...living, moving, breathing on the earth...a likeness always imperfect, often dim, and sometimes almost completely obscured...but still...a representation, no matter how slight...of Deity....God with us.  

Loss and Gain

This is my last post on trying to learn about thankfulness in the hard stuff....It has taken me some time and thought to be able to reach this point and I am sure that as time goes by I will learn more but here is where I am for now.
One of the hardest lessons any Christian has to learn is that loss is part and parcel of the Christian walk.  When we become believers we mistakenly think that all our life going forward will be sunshine and roses...glory and hallelujah.   This is not the case.  By becoming a believer in Christ we are made new and our entire life becomes about one thing... becoming like Him and expressing His Life in the earth.  For a while, after being saved life usually is grand and glorious...just as Jesus experienced popularity and enjoyed a following, had friends and loved ones surrounding Him and was successful in his ministry...so often are we...joyful...happy...blessed....needs being met, miracles happening in and around us...God using us mightily...exciting times for sure!   Ahhh those are the days....

Then it begins to happen....if we continue in our walk...continue to pursue Him in deeper and deeper ways...we find that the path becomes darker, less clear, familiar things are stripped away....those walking with us become fewer....successes become farther apart...and may to the natural eye, completely cease.  Even as Jesus experienced, we may find that our outward standing, friends, ministry, jobs, health....all that we have built has slipped away, until we are left completely alone...Until it seems we have lost everything we ever gained by following Him....it may even appear that we are good for nothing in His kingdom.

It is a scary place to be...alone...tired...sick...afraid...useless.  Can I be thankful in such a place?  I confess, it has taken ALL of Christ that I have ever known to learn to be...if not thankful FOR such a place...thankful IN SPITE of that place.

Eventually we learn...hopefully we learn...that suffering and even death come to all that follow Him into the depths.  It is a choice I think...to continue to seek Him...to continue to have a thankful heart...even in the dark places of taking up His cross.   It requires faith...His faith, to believe that when we came to follow Him we became His Seed...a seed that would have to die in order that Life in a truly substantial form could come forth, just like He did.
And then...just when we think it is all over and nothing good can come.....The Light shines!  a sprout pushes above ground!  Praise be to God there is resurrection!  Hallelujah!  
Just as there was for Him...there is for us, if we can hold on to Him long enough to see it to fruition. He brings us out of the dark, just as His Father brought Him up out of the grave to new life.   The seed that has died brings forth life.  

Which brings about an entirely new proposition.....can I be thankful for the loss...the lost time....the loss of joy...the loss of peace, of health, of finances....the years the canker worm has eaten?

Still having a hard time with that one, and learning more....but God is in the new life business...and for me...in my life...He is redeeming all things. Restoring...not necessarily to the way they were before, that is the old man way of thinking...(Job didn't get his lost daughters and sons back, he got new ones)....but He restores to the perfect picture He had in mind all along....the fruit He had seen in that Seed from the beginning.  The Life that has and is coming forth... for THAT I can be thankful!

How far is too far?

I have people...people I love...I know you do too...the list is long...my kids, my grands, my extended family, my church family, long time friends....oh so many people that the Lord has brought into my life at one time or another for me to love.  And I am not one to give my love easily or to draw ties quickly so my list is probably shorter than most....but there they are...pieces of my heart ... with more joining the list as the years go by.   Unfortunately...the place where my physical body lives and the places where their physical bodies reside are for the most part not one and the same, even emotionally and spiritually speaking many of us are separated by many miles .... scattered to the four winds, to the ends of the world and even the after world....and with them, the pieces of my heart. 
I am So far from so many of them that truthfully I may never see them again this side of heaven. 


And it hurts....distance and separation hurt...in places I don't want to touch...in deep places inside.  I think my favorite idea of heaven is the thought that everyone I love will be in the same place at the same time....of course that may not be true, as there are some I love who may not join me in heaven and then the most tragic thing of all will be that we will be separated forever. 

I find it very hard to be thankful for distance..for separation...do I understand that God is working in all these separations?  Of course...and He can do things in hearts during times of separation that cannot be accomplished any other way.  As a matter of fact almost every reference to separation in scripture refers to purification and holiness so yes, He is surely at work during these times...I respect that..and I trust Him...but to thank Him for it....so difficult....actually this is one of those things I may be better able to thank Him IN rather than for...because thankfully many separations are only for a season...many times the distance is only for a while and then I can be joined again with my loved ones.  And oh the joy that floods my soul! 

Today I will choose to thank God for the distances, the miles, the spaces between me and the pieces of my heart that are scattered abroad...because separation provides opportunity for God to work... space gives us all room to grow.

Being thankful for the hard stuff.....really?

Ok...So this idea of thanking God for bad stuff and hard stuff is very intriguing to me....I can do it...I think....but it has the possibility of getting personal...really personal.   It's actually downright scary.   With these thoughts I begin this experiment...can I actually do it?   Will I really find myself thankful for or in the difficult circumstances of my life?  I guess we'll see.

Today I want to tackle something so many deal with... something I don't like to even admit about myself...but it is true nonetheless.

I am sometimes lonely....and I hate it!

Yes I have friends and family and commitments and a job and all that stuff yet still at times I find myself feeling very isolated and distant from those things...feeling very lonely.  I need someone to "get" me at the particular place I am in.....I know we all feel this at times.  
Am I thankful for these times...for these feelings? ....not usually....mostly I feel as if I deserve to Not be lonely.  Why is that?  Why do I feel as if I shouldn't experience loneliness?...We know that Jesus felt alone at times...He even asked His Father why He had forsaken Him...now that is loneliness and abandonment!...and who says I shouldn't share in His sufferings....as a matter of fact...isn't it an honor and a privilege to share in His sufferings, even a reasonable part of the package? 
Yes!...scripture says so ....OK...that helps....now I think I can be thankful for loneliness...at least I know that I am experiencing something that Jesus experienced...at least I know that a payoff is promised..."sharing in His glory"  whatever that means ....and perhaps in time I will learn to be thankful in that experience as well.
 In some ways I guess we as believers will always feel somewhat alone this side of heaven, even while sharing our lives with other believers....maybe He wants it that way so we never get too comfortable in this temporary home.  Thank you, Lord for periods of loneliness...teach me about You in those times.

Roms. 8:8: Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Prepare Ye the Way

I don't know about you, but I worry about my kids.  None of them are actively walking with the Lord and although there are good signs along the way...still I worry.  I cannot make them believe...I cannot force them to follow...and when they do not...it brings me great sadness and pain...not only for myself, but for them...for all that they are robbing themselves and others of...for all the joy lost that can never be recaptured....yes there can be future joys,  but joy lost....cannot be reclaimed.  His ways are the best ways for a reason.....because they are The Best.   But I cannot will them to understand or believe this and it breaks my heart when their choices diverge from His.....sigh....
Today, I received some unexpected encouragement in this department.  Actually from the Lord Himself.  I was reading along in my daily scripture...I'm in John right now.....reading, reading...Jesus talking to the Pharisees, Jesus walking around the temple....Jesus saying "don't follow me unless I follow My Father"...Jesus claiming to be God's Son...general stuff...you know....and then he left them....well escaped away actually when they would have liked to stone Him...Just when they were at their angriest...He slipped away.

Then the last verses of the chapter.....John 10:40-42
Then Jesus went back across the Jordan to the place where John had been baptizing in the early days.  Here He stayed and many people came to him.  They said, "Though John never performed a miraculous sign, all that John said about this man was true."  And in that place many believed in Jesus.

As I read across this verse I idylly wondered why so many would believe in that area as opposed to the Temple area in Jerusalem where the Pharisees were so angry....and then I got it....John had already prepared the way...the ground was plowed and fallow....it was the perfect place for the seeds of the Truth to be sown.  In this place, Jesus could be exactly Who He was meant to be and could freely do All that the Father showed Him.... and He would be received as who He truly was ....God's Only Son.

Then the Lord spoke ever so clearly to my heart...."you have prepared the way for Me in the hearts of your children, just like John did, and they will see that all you have said about Me is true."   
Oh this brings me great joy!  He said that I have done my part...He said that the path has been prepared...He said that they will see.....
Only He can do His part....only He can do what He does.....and I must trust Him to it.

Thank you, Lord for assuring me that because of my efforts, You already have an inroad into my children's hearts...as You work Your work in them...they will see that all I have told them and taught them and lived in front of them.... is true.  

How to deal?

How do I do this?  How to deal with frustrations and negative emotions toward someone I love...someone who seems less and less like me...more and more like the world....Can they not see the Truth?   Why do they insist on walking and talking less and less of Christ and more and more of the "other"...it is a strange place to be....to be in the middle....to love and to have shared so much life together...but now to find that you may not have so much in common as you once thought....that your paths may no longer run together...or even parallel...yet you can never be completely separated, the pain will be ongoing ....Very hard to know when to speak and when to be silent...all the while battling against the loss you are feeling....the displacement.....
I can only pray that this conclusion is wrong...that I do not see the big picture, that God is at work...that these shifts are not settling into lifestyle...that there is hope and strength in the foundation that has been laid.

My little ones

I am so thankful for the grandchildren God has brought into our lives.....our oldest granddaughter, Jbear...our only grandson, Gingerbread man...and our newest gift, Sbug...our 5 month old granddaughter....they truly are gifts and bring so much joy to our hearts.   God, you are wonderful!

I voted.

So I did my civic duty today and voted....it was the first really cold smoke-blowing day we've had with a leaf stripping rain coming down from daybreak.....and what do I see, but dozens...no hundreds of coffee drinking, smart phone addicted, spoiled to central heat and air, never step outside except to get the mail or run to the grocery, city dwellers wading through puddles ankle deep, queuing up to patiently wait their turns...to vote.   It was awesome and I confess, I got a bit teary eyed when after 90 minutes my turn finally arrived to make my choices and cast my ballot.  What an amazing country we live in...and I am SO thankful for it!

Thankful

I am incredibly thankful for my amazing husband.  He has been Christ to me in so many ways, day after day after day...loving me, giving himself to me and our family, challenging me, wooing me...long after the first blush of our marriage....I often think that he is the reason I am saved...Not that he is God, but he has been God to me...over and over....and thorough him the Holy Spirit has been able to break through my blindness and walls and grow Jesus in me.   Thank you, Lord, for this man you have given me.  I am truly blessed!

Thankful

I think I will try and post...either here or on Facebook, something every day that I am thankful for during this season of Thanksgiving/November.    Today I am thankful for beautiful Autumn days, cool breezes and sunny days....

We have wonderful Autumns in the South....brilliant skies and bright foliage...much of which hasn't even begun to change here near the city.  We have extremely pleasant weather for much of it...with temps ranging from the 30s at night to 60-70 degrees during the day.  I love sitting on my front porch in the afternoons with the sun beating on me, warming me to my bones....delicious!   Soon the rain will come and wash away the beautiful leaves...soon the air will chill, too much to enjoy the porch but for now.... I will be thankful for God's goodness in Autumn.

" To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven"   

Great Joy

I don’t really have very strong feelings these days…I don’t have angst over bills or material possessions or religion or politics.  I rarely get angry or even frustrated anymore, I don’t get the blues… …I also do not poignantly feel happiness, peace, excitement, joy… its very tranquil in my life most of the time so it’s kind of boring I guess and I don’t know why this is except that my hormone level is decreasing…I suppose that can account for some of it.  Our life moves at a pretty even keel nowadays so there just doesn’t’ seem to be the highs and lows of emotion anymore.  Sometimes I miss it….the highs, that is…definitely not the lows!

I have three beautiful children, each of them talented and special in their own ways.  They have always made me proud to be their mom.  When they were small it was such a hectic time…as anyone with small children can attest, the days are long and harried and you feel as if you are trapped in some sort of time warp where it will never end.  But it does end; the babies grow in to children, then teens, then young adults, then, by God’s help, into mature adults with families of their own.  They choose friends and colleges and careers and spouses and hopefully, they choose the God they have been raised with.  At some point, the decision making and responsibility for them slips out of your hands and into their own.  It is a hard place to be…left behind…and yet it is liberating as well.  Seeing them struggle and learn and grow as adults and watching as the God that they may or may not have chosen yet, pursues them.  It is a beautiful thing to see and reminds me of His pursuit of me once upon a time and even still.

 I never really stopped long enough while raising my children, to fully enjoy them…there was always something needing attending to and looking back I think that is sad.  They and I have out grown that thankfully and I can now devote more specific attention to them and to their children, more focused attention.  There has come a point in our lives together that I can say whole heartedly that I enjoy them, I enjoy their children, I enjoy being with them and talking with them and doing pretty much anything with them and their families.  The hard work of raising them has passed and now there is a measure of rest… for me anyway.   It is a good time in life, a time to appreciate all that God has blessed me with.

Suddenly today I had a surprising revelation, what has probably been obvious all along for those looking on…

My children and consequently their children bring me joy. 

No, more than that, GREAT JOY…. they FILL me with Joy!  I am overwhelmed by this feeling, this emotion…and grateful…SO grateful, to feel it so deeply and strongly today.

THIS DAY…  I feel JOY, for my children and my grandchildren…they have filled my heart to overflowing!

Thank you, Lord.